Scholarly Chicken

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For the last few months, the cooks in the Scholarly Kitchen have fed readers appetizers of insight, glasses of Glasnost, wedges of wisdom, and the occasional hearty roast. For dessert, we now offer you a slice of satire from our book of scholarly recipes.

Scholarly Chicken

preparation time: 10 min. Feeds 1

Ingredients:

1 well-read chicken

1 bottle of red wine (Baron Philippe de Rothchild preferable (few graduate students can afford this); 5-litre boxed wine acceptable)

1 round of soft cheese (Brie, Camembert, etc.)

1 baguette

1 book (chickens are partial to Proust; avoid Sartre as this often creates angst in poultry)

Directions:

1. While cheese is warming to room temperature, uncork wine (or break seal on box) and let breathe. You should breathe, too. Cut baguette into rounds 1 inch thick. Open book.
2. Consume first glass of wine with bread and cheese while reading introduction. If chicken looks hungry, offer slice of bread.
3. Repeat step 2, continuing through as many chapters as possible, before characters becomes confusing and plot incomprehensible (with Proust this may happen soon after first glass).
4. Return chicken to cage, finish bottle of wine, and fall asleep on sofa.